心情好复杂，完全不能专心温习。
所以来这里发泄一下。
复杂1：
天啊！又是年尾了？！时间过得太快了吧？
回头一看，今年的生活整体来说是不错丰富的。
可是还是.. 太快了！
每天都领到不一样的任务，解决了一个，下一个又来了。To Do List 永远没完没了。
我到底活着是为了什么？
复杂2：
刚刚又跟男友分离了，嗯，不是分手啦。只是又再回到远距离。
这让我特emo的！下一次见面或许是2个月后，或3个月后，也有可能是半年后。
我需要几天的时间来 get over 他肉体的存在。唉~折磨啊！
复杂3:
这个学期也即将结束，只剩下大考，(后天开始)
Carry marks 不太理想。
好担心这个学期的成绩啊~
复杂4：
这几天花了好多钱，有点愧疚。
买了一个我从来没有想过自己会购买的的物品。
而且还是男友付费。
我一直都认为它是一件奢侈品。唉~~
算了算了~ 买了就要好好享用！！
复杂5：
脸上长了好多痘痘~TT
一颗复原了，新的一颗又长出来。
到底是怎样啊？！！
从现在开始！我要把烦恼都抛在后头。
专心的温习功课！！
4.0?? 不是问题~~ 哈哈哈哈 xDD
10.12.15
付钱的男人 好帅！:P
首先，我先来澄清一下，我不是个喜欢别人没事为我付钱的人。
朋友，男朋友都好，我喜欢 AA 制。
就在哪一天，
我和我的系友们到较远的地方做 assignment，路途有经过 Tol。
那个我平时不是很喜欢的男性朋友，
马上打开了自己的钱包，小心翼翼地掏出了10块钱，付了那 TOL 费。
虽然可能是因为他坐在副驾驶的位置，虽然他可能之后可以 claim 会那 tol 钱。
但~~~
他打开钱包，拿出十块钱的那一刹那，好帅呀！
不知为什么~
平时我的女性朋友做同样的事情我没这感觉~
但那个我没有很喜欢的人竟然给我那种帅气的感觉~
哈哈哈！
诶诶~ 我没有因为他付了那几块钱的 tol 费而喜欢他哦~
只是我想说，个人觉得付钱的男人好帅~ 哈哈哈！！
朋友，男朋友都好，我喜欢 AA 制。
就在哪一天，
我和我的系友们到较远的地方做 assignment，路途有经过 Tol。
那个我平时不是很喜欢的男性朋友，
马上打开了自己的钱包，小心翼翼地掏出了10块钱，付了那 TOL 费。
虽然可能是因为他坐在副驾驶的位置，虽然他可能之后可以 claim 会那 tol 钱。
但~~~
他打开钱包，拿出十块钱的那一刹那，好帅呀！
不知为什么~
平时我的女性朋友做同样的事情我没这感觉~
但那个我没有很喜欢的人竟然给我那种帅气的感觉~
哈哈哈！
诶诶~ 我没有因为他付了那几块钱的 tol 费而喜欢他哦~
只是我想说，个人觉得付钱的男人好帅~ 哈哈哈！！
21.11.15
Wrong focus
My
grandmother phone called me just now, and asked how am I doing recently? Am I taken
by dinner? How were my braces, still pain? Recently, she called me quite
frequent. This makes me a sudden wake up…..
What am I focusing
right now? I am focusing on someone that thinks I am not THAT important. While I had forgotten my family members! They love me since I am a
baby, and still care me so much until I am this old. I was trying hard to build
my LDR but I had forgotten to build the relation with my FAMILIES!! I never try
hard to make more chances to meet them as possible as I could, I didn’t text
them, I didn’t call them for many weeks. I TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED! But at the
same time I am worrying on my LDRBF takes granted for me. This is so
ridiculous!
Em, yes, my
current ldrbf is important for me to evaluate, because if I didn’t choose well,
next time after the porridge is cooked I have no way back, just regret. I had
put my energies on ldrbf, because I believe I can control the future I want (before
the porridge cooked).
BUT! My families
are the cooked porridges! They are the one that I will be regretted if I didn’t
put my energies on them more from now!
It was like,
why I have to worry about my ldrbf.. Is he the right one? Is he changing? Bla bla
bla~~ INSTEAD of worrying on my parents and families’ health. My granny getting
old now, my mum always complain that her back pain, legs pain, head pain.
Who should I
prioritise? In “theory”, I will answer the question without doubting, “of
course are my families la!” But in the real life, I had put sooo much energy on
the people other than my families! Ouuch!
Wrong focus
Its all about give and take. I just took too much from them, but i didn't gave them as what they gave me euqally.
We went to Pavilion by train together. = )
14.11.15
Foreign Language
When I was in secondary school, I always wanted to learn the western language, like Spanish, French, Germany, Italian, etc. Cus when I learn English last time, to know more new vocabs, I saw and downloaded a list of foreign language vocabs that can be used in English, like Deja Vu (French), means 似曾相识, this kind of words. and I feel its cool. Spanish songs are nice. and of course maybe affected by the western movies.
I changed my thought, when I met my Japanese friends in NZ. I saw some people from other countries spoke Japanese with the Japanese friends. I was so envy that they could do that! Besides, Japanese foods are nice!! Like Okonomiyaki cooked by my friend. I love the most!! is super duper delicious! I learnt some Korean words that time too. I didn't have very close western friends that time. Well, at last Japanese was the language I wanted to learn the most then. My Jap's friends just inspired me a lot that time!
So, I took Japanese in my University as an elective course. I admit that I didn't put enough efforts to study the language. My result was not so good. But I was impressed by many of my friends that I am a fast learnner in other languages (speak) last time. haha. Hmm, I must spend more time and put more efforts to learn the grammars and writing from now! Language is not a subject that can be studied last minutes!
It's funny that because I wanna improve my Japanese, I started to chase Anime, listen to Japanese songs. Normally people learn the language because of Anime, but I am the other way round. Haha. Well, I am enjoying to do it too. Great chance for me to expose to other stuff that I will never did before.
Its cool to learn foreign languages actually, we can discover a new culture, like musics, movies, foods, art etc. And definitely can feel something... different.
If I have chance, I will learn more languages, my next target is French btw. or maybe Spanish xD haha
Image from : http://speaklanguagecenter.com/
5.11.15
24.10.15
活 到 老 学 到 老 ~
人家说，在踏入一段感情之前先要享受单身和学会爱自己。
嗯。
然后我发现这个说法其实是不正确的。
在我初恋结束之后，痛苦的
get over 日之后。我回到了正常的生活。
单身，过得特别好，比以前好很多倍，当时在异国，看了很多东西，觉得世上其实没什么大不了的。
那段日子是我毕生以来最乐观的时候。乐观到我有时希望有坏东西发生在我身上，因为感觉怎么一切都那么好啊~
好不有趣咧。
总而言之，那个时候乐观到极限，爱自己到极限。
至到我踏入第二段感情。刚刚开始一切都很好，我有自己的原则，我知道我该做什么，我也不太把我的情绪寄托在别人的身上。
慢慢的，我好像变回以前的自己，悲观，拥有
Victim Mentality 等等~
咦~
不对啊~
我在踏入这一段感情之前时单身的我过得非常好呢~
其实其实
单身和双身简直就是两个不同的阶段。
你单身时过得特好，不代表你双身时会很好。
你双生的时候过得特好，不代表你单身时会很好。
两个不同的阶段有不同的学问，都要学习、成长。
即使单身时很爱自己，在双身时却不一定会记得爱自己。
其实其实
双身比单身困难好多，因为这不再是你一个人的事情。
我有时连我自己也不够了解，现在还要去了解其他人。
难上加难！
经过我深思熟虑以后，我发现我最大的问题是把情绪寄托在他的身上。
只要把这个拔起来~
世界将会更美好！xD 好像离题了~ 科科~
哎呀~
总之~
活到老学到老呗~
让那学习精神延续下去吧！！！
14.10.15
The Stage
Performed on big stage around one year + ago.
Received a text from my sister who was in Penang right after my performance.
Woow. i was like, good news spread so fast huh.
Months of practicing but only performed few minutes on the real stage, but i still feel its worth!
i enjoy the stage, i love the stage, although i am not a professional actor, but i really love the feeling when everybody watching my performance (good one la).
I never be an actor on such a big stage before. Really appreciate and will always remember this experienced, And of course i met a lot of awesome people in this 十月初五街.
Again, the news of "heard that you perform well" is worth for all sacrifices!!
10.10.15
问候语
一句来自系友的问候语，直接把我从谷底的心情拉回上来。
或许在别人眼中 我很 solo ，做许多事情不需要人陪也行。
但并不代表我不需要他人的关心。
刚考完日文考试时，心情真的很低落，
一句刚才日文考试怎样啊？让我觉得好窝心~
其实或许那只是另一个话题的开场白，
但还是感到窝心，因为能瞬间感觉到 "I am not alone"。
这种关心，不能期望，因为世上没有人有这个责任来关心你。
真心感谢在我最脆弱的时候，轻轻地泵我一把的人。
我有一种问题，就是不爱把自己的故事告诉别人。纯粹觉得 No one cares。
唯二能让我诉说我的故事诉得痛快的 是我的妈妈和妹妹。
她们是世上最好的聆听着。她们也是我唯二有心事有烦恼时不会 hesitate 找的人。
这就是为什么别人的一句问候语对我来影响那么大的原因啦。
不管怎样，感谢你们的存在。哈哈
或许在别人眼中 我很 solo ，做许多事情不需要人陪也行。
但并不代表我不需要他人的关心。
刚考完日文考试时，心情真的很低落，
一句刚才日文考试怎样啊？让我觉得好窝心~
其实或许那只是另一个话题的开场白，
但还是感到窝心，因为能瞬间感觉到 "I am not alone"。
这种关心，不能期望，因为世上没有人有这个责任来关心你。
真心感谢在我最脆弱的时候，轻轻地泵我一把的人。
我有一种问题，就是不爱把自己的故事告诉别人。纯粹觉得 No one cares。
唯二能让我诉说我的故事诉得痛快的 是我的妈妈和妹妹。
她们是世上最好的聆听着。她们也是我唯二有心事有烦恼时不会 hesitate 找的人。
这就是为什么别人的一句问候语对我来影响那么大的原因啦。
不管怎样，感谢你们的存在。哈哈
8.10.15
Try Harder or Walk Away
There are two roads in every elective situation.
Which is to give up or work harder.
My parents are not elective, my course is not elective,
my friends are elective,
my boyfriend is elective,
the Japanese II i took this sem is elective.
In the elective's path, i can choose to give up.
I always not confident in my Japanese II,
because my Japanese 1 result was bad and i might not have the passion as much as other anime-fever students in my class.
I planned to change it to audit course (no exams) if i really unable to handle it.
So, today i went to the student academic building to ask isit possible for me to change it to audit.
Thay said NO!!
Ok. no choice i must face it! i must tried my best so i wont fail my exam.
Suddenly i feel the confidence and energy.
Because giving up is not in my option anymore!
Thats the different!!
So does my relationship. If giving up is not in my list, then i will automatically find ways to survive and build it!
When facing obstacles, i should never think of break up.
If i keep thinking of break up is my "backup" plan.
Then i will never really try my BEST in it!
Make sense?
Once we decided, we must try our best to do it.
Which is to give up or work harder.
My parents are not elective, my course is not elective,
my friends are elective,
my boyfriend is elective,
the Japanese II i took this sem is elective.
In the elective's path, i can choose to give up.
I always not confident in my Japanese II,
because my Japanese 1 result was bad and i might not have the passion as much as other anime-fever students in my class.
I planned to change it to audit course (no exams) if i really unable to handle it.
So, today i went to the student academic building to ask isit possible for me to change it to audit.
Thay said NO!!
Ok. no choice i must face it! i must tried my best so i wont fail my exam.
Suddenly i feel the confidence and energy.
Because giving up is not in my option anymore!
Thats the different!!
So does my relationship. If giving up is not in my list, then i will automatically find ways to survive and build it!
When facing obstacles, i should never think of break up.
If i keep thinking of break up is my "backup" plan.
Then i will never really try my BEST in it!
Make sense?
Once we decided, we must try our best to do it.
10.9.15
我要正能量！
如果我什么都不知道，那该多好。
别 "hurt me with the truth"，因为我真的不想知道那些讨人厌的真相。
我承认我20几岁人了，还不够成熟去面对这些不开心的事情。
对不起读者，我消极了一点，就让我发牢骚一下吧。
还是要回到现实的~
其实生活上值得开心的事情比不开心的事情多得很！
可是我们往往偏向于不开心的事情。
真奇怪~
就好比...
今天天气好凉快！
今天老师教书让我好明白！
今天又有人说我的脸变漂亮了！
今天男友很早就开始跟我聊天吔！
今天妈妈打电话给我！
今天我成功煮到了比较好吃的晚餐！
今天我才发现我的宿舍多开了饮料和waffle档口！
别 "hurt me with the truth"，因为我真的不想知道那些讨人厌的真相。
我承认我20几岁人了，还不够成熟去面对这些不开心的事情。
对不起读者，我消极了一点，就让我发牢骚一下吧。
还是要回到现实的~
其实生活上值得开心的事情比不开心的事情多得很！
可是我们往往偏向于不开心的事情。
真奇怪~
就好比...
今天天气好凉快！
今天老师教书让我好明白！
今天又有人说我的脸变漂亮了！
今天男友很早就开始跟我聊天吔！
今天妈妈打电话给我！
今天我成功煮到了比较好吃的晚餐！
今天我才发现我的宿舍多开了饮料和waffle档口！
等等~~~
如果能常常专注在好的事情上。日子会好过很多啊~~
放开吧~ 那些在我能控制以外的事情~
我要天天记录下让我开心的事情！
哈哈哈~ geli~
啊·~绿茶好好喝~ 看来今晚睡不着了~ xD
6.9.15
4.9.15
我的科系
木质科学与科技系
是我现在在大学就读的科系。
因中六老师的大力推荐 加上 我的考试成绩没有非常优越，
我把这课填入了我的第三选择。
谁知他妈的中了。不知该欢喜还是该怨，但我非常庆幸我进了博大这大学。
第一年兴致勃勃，原本自小上科学课时最讨厌植物的单元，但谁知拿了这一课后却阅读越喜欢！
学会了好多我不知道的东西。很有趣~！
对未来充满希望。
但当亲戚朋友问到，咦你以后是做什么工作的呀？？常常哑口无言。
迈入第二年，当别人问起时，就说，嗯做品质管理啊~ 等等~
然后看见学长姐，好像有不少都不是做回本行的。
慢慢的~ 开始感受到，大家常说的.. “很多大学生毕业后的工作都不是自己读的科系”。
其实还要看很多其他因素的呢。然后工钱最重要！
以前总觉得这个木材科，冷门。竞争少，就业率肯定比很多其他科系高。但好像不是。
就像我刚才说的，选一份工作还要考量很多因素的，不管它冷不冷门。
Eih~ 这不是在悲观哦，只是看见现实~ 哈哈哈！
所以所以，其实有那个冲动去继续读到硕士博士。然后当一名教授~ xD
想想而已，因为好像很少人读咧 会孤单的感觉 哈哈~ 也没有钱。
想到以后我学的东西可能用不上就有点sien掉。哈哈
算了吧~ 见步行步呗。。。
先别烦恼那么远的未来吧~ 先烦下个学期的成绩 :P
不管怎样 我还是很热爱我的科系滴... 因为真的很有趣！也很酷!
是我现在在大学就读的科系。
因中六老师的大力推荐 加上 我的考试成绩没有非常优越，
我把这课填入了我的第三选择。
谁知他妈的中了。不知该欢喜还是该怨，但我非常庆幸我进了博大这大学。
第一年兴致勃勃，原本自小上科学课时最讨厌植物的单元，但谁知拿了这一课后却阅读越喜欢！
学会了好多我不知道的东西。很有趣~！
对未来充满希望。
但当亲戚朋友问到，咦你以后是做什么工作的呀？？常常哑口无言。
迈入第二年，当别人问起时，就说，嗯做品质管理啊~ 等等~
然后看见学长姐，好像有不少都不是做回本行的。
慢慢的~ 开始感受到，大家常说的.. “很多大学生毕业后的工作都不是自己读的科系”。
其实还要看很多其他因素的呢。然后工钱最重要！
以前总觉得这个木材科，冷门。竞争少，就业率肯定比很多其他科系高。但好像不是。
就像我刚才说的，选一份工作还要考量很多因素的，不管它冷不冷门。
Eih~ 这不是在悲观哦，只是看见现实~ 哈哈哈！
所以所以，其实有那个冲动去继续读到硕士博士。然后当一名教授~ xD
想想而已，因为好像很少人读咧 会孤单的感觉 哈哈~ 也没有钱。
想到以后我学的东西可能用不上就有点sien掉。哈哈
算了吧~ 见步行步呗。。。
先别烦恼那么远的未来吧~ 先烦下个学期的成绩 :P
不管怎样 我还是很热爱我的科系滴... 因为真的很有趣！也很酷!
26.8.15
15.8.15
Braces story #2
Today is the 5th day of me having ortho treatment.
The first few days were fine. I thought it will be very hurtful. Because i read lot of forums and articles online, all of them said that the first few days to a week will be very hurtful. Some of them even said it hurts like no tomorrow.
So i had make the worst mental preparation.
Hmm. the first hour of tightening the braces were ok. It just dull pain. When i bite it hurt really really bad. So i just had the soft foods that did not need to chew on the first day. Erm, basically just swallow the foods.
The pain of second day was same like the first day. But feel like the dull pain increased a lil bit. But still ok. i could bear with it. I watched drama for the whole day, which made me forget the soreness.
Third day, still the same.. But i started feel very frustrating! Dull pain for so long time really made me almost go crazy!! Really super uncomfortable. GHHRR PLUS!! the metals keep scraping my cheek. (the part inside my mouth, behind the cheek.. hahah. idk whats the part name) So, i used wax too... Finally i took painkiller! Really very emo day!
Came to the 4th day. Wow. that pain lessen! i could start chew foods using the teeth inside! i ate roasted pork man! (shao rou). OMG i long time didnt eat meat already! So delicious!
The 5th day, which is today. much more better, i even able to slightly bite using my front teeth. But then when the pain is gone. I started to feel itchy inside my mouth. those extra metals on my teeth, very annoying and uncomfortable. i keep using my bottom teeth to scratch it. (i just have braces on my upper teeth now). Ghhrr. ok. but it really much more better than few days ago. ^^
Ahh.. Next week i will have a trip in Singapore. Luckily i almost could eat all kind of foods now.. Hehe.
The first few days were fine. I thought it will be very hurtful. Because i read lot of forums and articles online, all of them said that the first few days to a week will be very hurtful. Some of them even said it hurts like no tomorrow.
So i had make the worst mental preparation.
Hmm. the first hour of tightening the braces were ok. It just dull pain. When i bite it hurt really really bad. So i just had the soft foods that did not need to chew on the first day. Erm, basically just swallow the foods.
The pain of second day was same like the first day. But feel like the dull pain increased a lil bit. But still ok. i could bear with it. I watched drama for the whole day, which made me forget the soreness.
Third day, still the same.. But i started feel very frustrating! Dull pain for so long time really made me almost go crazy!! Really super uncomfortable. GHHRR PLUS!! the metals keep scraping my cheek. (the part inside my mouth, behind the cheek.. hahah. idk whats the part name) So, i used wax too... Finally i took painkiller! Really very emo day!
Came to the 4th day. Wow. that pain lessen! i could start chew foods using the teeth inside! i ate roasted pork man! (shao rou). OMG i long time didnt eat meat already! So delicious!
The 5th day, which is today. much more better, i even able to slightly bite using my front teeth. But then when the pain is gone. I started to feel itchy inside my mouth. those extra metals on my teeth, very annoying and uncomfortable. i keep using my bottom teeth to scratch it. (i just have braces on my upper teeth now). Ghhrr. ok. but it really much more better than few days ago. ^^
Ahh.. Next week i will have a trip in Singapore. Luckily i almost could eat all kind of foods now.. Hehe.
30.7.15
Braces story #1
So... yes! i will do braces!
yup, in a private dental clinic in my hometown.
Because the government will only do for the teenagers only nowadays.
and its impossible for me to back to my hometown on weekdays.
so, private clinic is my only choice if i wanna do it.
A hard decision actually.
I asked the opinions of few of my friends recently, all of them encouraged me to do it.
I read many blogs and forums online.
and then i decided!!
OK, come to the money part.
Its not really expensive in the clinic that i used to go actually.
RM5k++
(Pay 1.5k for the first time, then RM200 for each time i come back to tighten the braces)
normally people do it RM6k+
AND
the prices i asked two years ago is same as the price now.
They did not raise the price when everything becomes expensive nowadays.
5K is not a small amount, but is ok lah the price compared to other clinic.
PLUS my dad knew the dentist.
Why do braces?
its expensive, painful, and when we grow old, our teeth will drops anyway.
Why i still want to do it?
yes, of course, to become prettier.
Although i don't hate my look now, my teeth did not give me any problem. i can bite i can eat.
But honestly, sometime i will still not confident with my own smile.
I will not show my teeth when i taking picture.. etc..
So.. i chose to do braces! haha
i did a lot of "research" online.
Like how pain it is, the pain stay how long time, so on n so forth!
i am very scare, but with the agreement of my dad and think of i have so many friends actually went through this. So I think I could conquer it as well!!
i did the teeth mold days ago.
it was EWWW..feel like vomit when they molding my teeth.
i pulled it out by my self! (sorry doctor ><)
but luckily no need redo it.
Alright it was just the beginning!
Next week i have to remove two teeth and stick the brackets on my teeth.
So scare, so nervous but excited also. haha
Wish me lucks! #1
Me: Should i do braces?
My friend: If you have the money, why not?
yup, in a private dental clinic in my hometown.
Because the government will only do for the teenagers only nowadays.
and its impossible for me to back to my hometown on weekdays.
so, private clinic is my only choice if i wanna do it.
A hard decision actually.
I asked the opinions of few of my friends recently, all of them encouraged me to do it.
I read many blogs and forums online.
and then i decided!!
OK, come to the money part.
Its not really expensive in the clinic that i used to go actually.
RM5k++
(Pay 1.5k for the first time, then RM200 for each time i come back to tighten the braces)
normally people do it RM6k+
AND
the prices i asked two years ago is same as the price now.
They did not raise the price when everything becomes expensive nowadays.
5K is not a small amount, but is ok lah the price compared to other clinic.
PLUS my dad knew the dentist.
Why do braces?
its expensive, painful, and when we grow old, our teeth will drops anyway.
Why i still want to do it?
yes, of course, to become prettier.
Although i don't hate my look now, my teeth did not give me any problem. i can bite i can eat.
But honestly, sometime i will still not confident with my own smile.
I will not show my teeth when i taking picture.. etc..
So.. i chose to do braces! haha
i did a lot of "research" online.
Like how pain it is, the pain stay how long time, so on n so forth!
i am very scare, but with the agreement of my dad and think of i have so many friends actually went through this. So I think I could conquer it as well!!
i did the teeth mold days ago.
it was EWWW..feel like vomit when they molding my teeth.
i pulled it out by my self! (sorry doctor ><)
but luckily no need redo it.
Alright it was just the beginning!
Next week i have to remove two teeth and stick the brackets on my teeth.
So scare, so nervous but excited also. haha
Wish me lucks! #1
Me: Should i do braces?
My friend: If you have the money, why not?
23/7/15
我要写一篇关于一个刚去世的朋友。
先说下我跟她的关系吧。
很多年前了！记忆好模糊。
我跟她一起上台表演过三次。
第一次是华语诗歌朗诵，中学女校。8年前
第二次是制服团体的马来舞蹈，中学女校。6年前
第三次是70年代的 agogo 舞，中六男女混校。4年前。
我跟她一起同校过三间学校了！好像没有同班过。但因为种种活动认识了。
尤其是中六时。哈哈。她和另一位朋友跟我的男朋友(曾经的)很熟，所以也常常有和她一起出去。也是她撮合我和我男朋友(曾经的)的啦~。我也怀疑他是因为她而跟我分手(我先声明不是她的错)。
这就是我对她的印象啦~哈哈
中六毕业了。大家各分东西后，我也没有跟她联络了。
三年后的现在。我尽然来到了她的丧礼。
据说她得了鼠尿病，进医院两天就去了。
太突然了。
那个从小就知道到大的人，离开了。
就这样，少了一个人。
好。。。突然。
我不能接受那个活泼开朗的她，离开了。
虽说我跟她不是很熟很熟的，但是我还是不能接受啦！
那天去她的丧礼，好多人回来啊。
好久没有见到那么多人聚在一起了，
尽然是在朋友的丧礼。
没想到这个年龄就要经历生离死别。
hmm。还是那一句。真的要珍惜现在身边还在的人啊！
芷靖 安息吧 我会永远记得你。
先说下我跟她的关系吧。
很多年前了！记忆好模糊。
我跟她一起上台表演过三次。
第一次是华语诗歌朗诵，中学女校。8年前
第二次是制服团体的马来舞蹈，中学女校。6年前
第三次是70年代的 agogo 舞，中六男女混校。4年前。
我跟她一起同校过三间学校了！好像没有同班过。但因为种种活动认识了。
尤其是中六时。哈哈。她和另一位朋友跟我的男朋友(曾经的)很熟，所以也常常有和她一起出去。也是她撮合我和我男朋友(曾经的)的啦~。我也怀疑他是因为她而跟我分手(我先声明不是她的错)。
这就是我对她的印象啦~哈哈
中六毕业了。大家各分东西后，我也没有跟她联络了。
三年后的现在。我尽然来到了她的丧礼。
据说她得了鼠尿病，进医院两天就去了。
太突然了。
那个从小就知道到大的人，离开了。
就这样，少了一个人。
好。。。突然。
我不能接受那个活泼开朗的她，离开了。
虽说我跟她不是很熟很熟的，但是我还是不能接受啦！
那天去她的丧礼，好多人回来啊。
好久没有见到那么多人聚在一起了，
尽然是在朋友的丧礼。
没想到这个年龄就要经历生离死别。
hmm。还是那一句。真的要珍惜现在身边还在的人啊！
芷靖 安息吧 我会永远记得你。
29.7.15
just repost
#REPOST two years go
(i think i never post this in my blog, so just repost it.
haha)
I'd achieved my dream. I'm in my dream now. And my dream is
going to end SOON.
Working holiday in New Zealand was my dream since I'm 17.
Why NZ?? Because of my dad, he wishes to come NZ so much and this affected
me to think that NZ is a nice place (it is!!). My impression about nz before I
come here was just black-white cows. Haha! Actually a lot more.
i'm 20, the farthest place I'd been was just Singapore with
family. I was the one who even have no gut to ask for extra ketchup in
McDonald. It took me a lot of courageous to decide to come to the foreign
country with the not-so-close travel mates.
Almost all of my family and relatives opposed me to go so
far. And the hardest part was convince my parents.
And then I made my mind. I chose to do something that I'll
never regret.
This 5 + months really changed my life a lot.
But I'm still me. Maybe better me, maybe worse me. Haha!
Anyway, thanks for those who helped me to achieve my dream.
My sisters who helped me persuade parents, my friends who encouraged me, my
seniors who gave me a lot of information about nz.
To my two travelmates. Sorry and thanks for everything. I'm
always the trouble maker. Without you guys, I'll not in nz now. Tq..
Last but not least, I'm glad to know the friends from all
around the world in nz. You guys really made my journey much more interesting.
Hope someday we will meet again.
Love,
Chen Yuen Ling
1.7.15
18.5.15
20.4.15
20.4.15
最近有点穷，ptptn 钱用完了，要开始省钱！！！
这时，隐形眼镜又过期啦！没钱买昂贵的美瞳，所以转去买透明的。
这几年坚持要戴美瞳，因为觉得自己没带没美瞳不好看。
之前也曾一直被身边的朋友说我戴眼镜和带美瞳的样子差好远。。。。
所以就这样，带了那么多年，
为了眼睛不会坏，所以每次都到眼镜店买，不敢网购，因为眼睛是心灵之窗嘛。。。哈哈
一对平均价 rm60 多。好贵！不过没关系！美丽要付出代价~~~ 就这样，买了那么多对~
回到今天，看见镜子里带着没有放大眼瞳的 lens (RM20) 的我, 我发现，其实还蛮好看的嘛 XDD
每个人都是独一无二的，
没有必要硬硬把自己变成别人眼中的漂亮，
再加上每个人的审美观都有差异，何时才能满足到大家咧？
漂亮要从内心开始，对自己有自信，别人的眼光算什么？:P
15.4.15
Insecurity
This is my second relationship. The period we have been together now almost same as the period of my first relationship ends. Its kind of reaching insecurity line of me now. makes me remember the shadow of the first relationship. i am not missing that feller, i just, still remember that bloody heartbroken feelings last time. This kind of feeling not a sudden feeling of my mood swing or lonely night, i had this feeling many days already actually. and i keep my positive thinking to feel better these few days.
Well, i have no one to give vent to recently, i found writing is the best way to vent out my feelings all the time, especially the uncomfortable one. So i am writing it out now.
The shadow is, when i am trying my best in a relationship, the other side of people involved gave me up, for any reasons. " 爱一个人不需要理由，但如果不爱一个人会想尽办法想出一个不爱的理由"。 The really blur reasons of breaking up he told last time. But then i realised the real reason was, he not love me anymore. Anyway, i am happy he broke up with me, and i found a much much more better men now! and reaching the "insecurity line" like what i mentioned just now. HAHA.
Herm, i am worrying about, he stays now is because of his "responsibility" as a boyfriend, not because he loves me like the beginning. Getting know each more and more now, maybe he found a lot imperfection of me and i actually less attractive than what he thinks i am. I am a burden for him, i am the obstacles instead of motivation in his life and career. so on and so forth
Idk how to do better in this relationship now, because of the insecurity, worrying how if he does not love me anymore? am i trying hard like a stupid as in the past relationship? sometime i hide my imperfection infront of him, because of scare of losing him, (which i will not do so in the beginning of the relationship). maybe i stepped deeper in the relationship now? that makes me less rational. HAHA!
ANYWAY!! worrying solve nothing, i will still try my best in this bloody relationship, if he gives up on me, means we have no fate larh! thats all. GOOD NIGHT~
Well, i have no one to give vent to recently, i found writing is the best way to vent out my feelings all the time, especially the uncomfortable one. So i am writing it out now.
The shadow is, when i am trying my best in a relationship, the other side of people involved gave me up, for any reasons. " 爱一个人不需要理由，但如果不爱一个人会想尽办法想出一个不爱的理由"。 The really blur reasons of breaking up he told last time. But then i realised the real reason was, he not love me anymore. Anyway, i am happy he broke up with me, and i found a much much more better men now! and reaching the "insecurity line" like what i mentioned just now. HAHA.
Herm, i am worrying about, he stays now is because of his "responsibility" as a boyfriend, not because he loves me like the beginning. Getting know each more and more now, maybe he found a lot imperfection of me and i actually less attractive than what he thinks i am. I am a burden for him, i am the obstacles instead of motivation in his life and career. so on and so forth
Idk how to do better in this relationship now, because of the insecurity, worrying how if he does not love me anymore? am i trying hard like a stupid as in the past relationship? sometime i hide my imperfection infront of him, because of scare of losing him, (which i will not do so in the beginning of the relationship). maybe i stepped deeper in the relationship now? that makes me less rational. HAHA!
ANYWAY!! worrying solve nothing, i will still try my best in this bloody relationship, if he gives up on me, means we have no fate larh! thats all. GOOD NIGHT~
4.4.15
4/4/15
The gifts and souvenir from "Oppa" that just came back from Korea. :P
People always say that the price of gift can't tell how much the kindness of the giver.
But in this situation, i don't agree.
He was so economise over there. But still willing to spend that amount of money on me.
I am very happy. Not because i got a free gift, is because i can feel how important am i for him.
Really appreciate it! :D
19.3.15
18/3/2015
Hanged out with both of my sisters today.
Just a normal shopping and eating at the IOI City Mall nearby my university.
Skipped one meeting, ffk one event (organised by my friend), and 3 undone assignment which gonna submit by tomorrow.
Anyway, i was very happy to meet them! First time ever we hang out together in the place that other than my hometown.
We chatted alot. Like friends that long time no see? hahaha..
well.. i very enjoy the outing, and no regret to ffk, skip, and delay my responsibility for awhile.
^^
Just a normal shopping and eating at the IOI City Mall nearby my university.
Skipped one meeting, ffk one event (organised by my friend), and 3 undone assignment which gonna submit by tomorrow.
Anyway, i was very happy to meet them! First time ever we hang out together in the place that other than my hometown.
We chatted alot. Like friends that long time no see? hahaha..
well.. i very enjoy the outing, and no regret to ffk, skip, and delay my responsibility for awhile.
^^
18.3.15
13.3.15
一个月半
这是我一定要分享出来的经历。
大约两年前了，对.. 那时我在新西兰，
在Napier 住了大约四个月，我从来没有 想 家 过 ！！！
当时还以为自己很独立呢。
工作结束了，终于等到哪一天，带着凑了好几个月的薪水，环游新西兰！
当然，超兴奋的。
旅游第一天，我来到奥克兰，和旅伴们为了省钱，所以选择住在一间廉价的背包客住宿。
选择了 mix 的房间（最便宜）。就是一间房可以有男有女的。
“幸运”的！整间房，因该说是整层楼，只有我一个女生。
嗯，第一次跟7个不认识的男生同房，另外两个是我的旅伴。哈哈。
这还没什么，有些住客好像已经在那里住了很久，所以东西都乱放，邋邋遢遢。
这住宿楼下大厅，暗暗的，有人抽烟，dok bo，哈哈。我旅伴说这里很像 "鸡dau"。
在那陌生大城市里，很没有安全感。很不习惯。很..想家。四个月了！终于第一次想家。
旅游开始的第一天，我就希望它能赶快结束了 (当时的确是有点悲观，哈哈)。
8000公里以外的妈妈，打电话给我，因为这是我第一天出来旅行嘛。
他问我好玩吗。。。等等等的问题..
我却回答他反话，好好玩啊，我现在住的住宿外面还能直接看到城市的夜景。bla bla bla..
其实心里忐忑不安。
骗妈妈，主要是不想她担心我。
平时有什么不开心我都直接诉苦.. 没想到...
我以为这种情节只会在电视里出现..
之后的旅程，我把这间住宿列为最糟的环境。然后每当住到没有那么好的住宿，都会告诉自己，更糟糕的都住过了，这还算什么？
不过其实我也住过好几家廉价又漂亮的背包客栈啦。好像5星级酒店.. 哈哈..ok.. 题外话。。
一个月半，在新西兰悠悠荡荡，没有固定的住宿(废话，在旅行嘛)...
渐渐的，我学会面对陌生，不再那么害怕陌生...
乐观很重要，害怕解决不了问题..
大约两年前了，对.. 那时我在新西兰，
在Napier 住了大约四个月，我从来没有 想 家 过 ！！！
当时还以为自己很独立呢。
工作结束了，终于等到哪一天，带着凑了好几个月的薪水，环游新西兰！
当然，超兴奋的。
旅游第一天，我来到奥克兰，和旅伴们为了省钱，所以选择住在一间廉价的背包客住宿。
选择了 mix 的房间（最便宜）。就是一间房可以有男有女的。
“幸运”的！整间房，因该说是整层楼，只有我一个女生。
嗯，第一次跟7个不认识的男生同房，另外两个是我的旅伴。哈哈。
这还没什么，有些住客好像已经在那里住了很久，所以东西都乱放，邋邋遢遢。
这住宿楼下大厅，暗暗的，有人抽烟，dok bo，哈哈。我旅伴说这里很像 "鸡dau"。
在那陌生大城市里，很没有安全感。很不习惯。很..想家。四个月了！终于第一次想家。
旅游开始的第一天，我就希望它能赶快结束了 (当时的确是有点悲观，哈哈)。
8000公里以外的妈妈，打电话给我，因为这是我第一天出来旅行嘛。
他问我好玩吗。。。等等等的问题..
我却回答他反话，好好玩啊，我现在住的住宿外面还能直接看到城市的夜景。bla bla bla..
其实心里忐忑不安。
骗妈妈，主要是不想她担心我。
平时有什么不开心我都直接诉苦.. 没想到...
我以为这种情节只会在电视里出现..
之后的旅程，我把这间住宿列为最糟的环境。然后每当住到没有那么好的住宿，都会告诉自己，更糟糕的都住过了，这还算什么？
不过其实我也住过好几家廉价又漂亮的背包客栈啦。好像5星级酒店.. 哈哈..ok.. 题外话。。
一个月半，在新西兰悠悠荡荡，没有固定的住宿(废话，在旅行嘛)...
渐渐的，我学会面对陌生，不再那么害怕陌生...
乐观很重要，害怕解决不了问题..
6.2.15
我的牙呀..
这是我第一次以这种方式是来说这个话题。以前或许我会觉得很敏感，但经过那么多年，我已经完全接受了这个事实。(好像很严重 hor..哈哈...)
我有一副参差不齐的牙齿，很多人都说如果我绑牙了会变得很漂亮。但也有人跟我说我现在超好看的，干嘛要绑牙？
我曾经对我这副牙齿感觉很没有信心。也给身边的人打击过很多次。有个小孩子还说我是怪兽（小孩子不会说骗话哦！）。一度让我不敢再笑了。
多年以后，我发现，跟我比较熟的亲戚和朋友，会觉得我当下已经很好看了。
但不太熟或第一次见面的会说 天啊，为什么你不绑牙？
分别是在于，前者珍惜我的快乐的笑容，而后者是批评我的外貌是否符合现代社会的美的定义。（现今社会的美 大概是 高瘦白 36 25 36 大眼睛 高鼻子 洁白整齐的牙齿 等）。
err.. 很明显超过一半我都不符合。 所以就算我的牙齿变整齐了，别人也会叫我改变其他东西。
然后又再想，我干嘛要酱在乎人家的看法？？
其实，完全不在乎是假的啦，因为当人家赞我漂亮时，我还是会暗爽。xD
我只想说，我真心感谢喜欢我的"快乐笑容"的人。
在他们眼里，我的开心比我的外貌更胜一筹。(请自行对号入座)
而之后，我绑不绑牙，还不确定。
因为这幅牙齿要刷干净真的有点困难。
3.2.15
Semester 4 resolutions
即将迈入第四的学期，时间过得真快。
前三个学期超忙超充实。
又是列下下个学期的目标/愿望的时候了！哈哈
1。不浪费食物 （把整盘食物吃完）
2。不最后一分钟 不拖延 （课业考试活动）
3。吃得健康 （蔬菜水果supplement)
4。运动！
5。保持房间干净整齐。
6。保持皮肤头发在良好状态（努力敷 mask, lotion)
7。乐观面对所有事情。
8。培养阅读的习惯。
人有目标是好的。至少感觉自己正在前进，虽然很慢很慢 :P
大学时期把自己的生活习惯锻炼得好一点呗。避免老大徒伤悲。
下个学期，我能看到的是，沉重的课业 和 繁忙的博辩。但我要转一转观念，爱上每一科目，享受忙碌的日子。
最后... 请让我得一次的 4.0 吧！T__T
2.2.15
27.1.15
Off Day!
今天是 Off Day 啊！
因为 sem break 太闷太无聊的关系，我回去电影院工作了！
这次不是买戏票，是在卖食物的部门工作。是有点粗活啦，不过还好，可以练一练肌肉 :P
结交一些新朋友。哪里 part time 的大多是刚考完 SPM 的。我是老姐姐啊！
想必薪水很少，不过，在哪里工作总好过在家里颓废！
来来~ 让我形容一下我颓废的日子.. :P
从大学回家后，我在家 无所事事了 10 天。每天 3-4am 才睡觉，12-1pm才起床。刷面子书，玩神魔 COC，看一些书。没有看戏的心情（虽然我的电脑里有很多）。每天只跟亲爱的信息，可是他又忙工作，不能常常陪我。让我好不平衡！活得没有目的这样（我能感受到我退休后的感觉了！哈哈哈）。所以！我 pm 了我的 superviser。然后，第二天就可以上班了！Wohoo~~!! 我真的不能得空太久啊！注定劳碌命 (比起颓废，我更我喜欢劳碌)。
所以~ 就这样，在电影院工作了5 天啦！！！今天 off day。要好好充电，明天满电去工作！
19.1.15
19 Jan 15
"Even if people are wrong, they are right, because they coming from the limit of their own growth and experience, They cannot do better, or else they would be doing better in that moment. So for that moment, even if you want to correct them, they are right. By letting that be so, you here kept the flow of the communication open."
Indeed!
To help them, don't just win the conversation. Persuade them by listening to them.
Open heart, embrace other people's view, who knows maybe ourselves are wrong.
18.1.15
My Hitch Hike experience. :P
I still remember the first time i hitch hike in my life!
Haha.. when I was in Rotorua, New Zealand.
Haha.. when I was in Rotorua, New Zealand.
In the morning, I walked from city center to The Red Woods ( a forest which full of red wood trees).
almost 4 to 5 km. took me around one hour to reach there.
quite tiring.
almost 4 to 5 km. took me around one hour to reach there.
quite tiring.
when I arrived. I need to walk again in Redwoods forest.
and i chose the shortest route, cause I've no more energy to walk there.
and i chose the shortest route, cause I've no more energy to walk there.
When i'm done, i decided to hitch hike back to city center!
haha.. because i don't want to walk anymoreee!!
haha.. because i don't want to walk anymoreee!!
I walked to the main road.
took me about 10 mins to shilly shally beside the road..
cause I'm really really paiseh to put my thumbs up to hitch a hike.
took me about 10 mins to shilly shally beside the road..
cause I'm really really paiseh to put my thumbs up to hitch a hike.
and then.. Finally..
i put my thumbs up~!
and start hitchhiking!!
yea.. many drivers ignore me....
Some dont even wanna see me, some wave at me.. Haha..
and i just keep smiling to the them...
haha.. feel so stupid actually..
i put my thumbs up~!
and start hitchhiking!!
yea.. many drivers ignore me....
Some dont even wanna see me, some wave at me.. Haha..
and i just keep smiling to the them...
haha.. feel so stupid actually..
after 7 mins... an old car approached to me...
the old man opened the window,
and asked, isit city center?
i said yes yes!!!
and then he asked me to jump in to his car.
wahhaaaaahaaa!!
successs!! ^^
so happpyyy!!!
the old man opened the window,
and asked, isit city center?
i said yes yes!!!
and then he asked me to jump in to his car.
wahhaaaaahaaa!!
successs!! ^^
so happpyyy!!!
before he go to the city.
he bring me to a recycle centre.
he dropped his recycle stuff that he collected to that centre.
i helped him...
he bring me to a recycle centre.
he dropped his recycle stuff that he collected to that centre.
i helped him...
His car playing very old style musics.
He chatted with me,
He chatted with me,
tell me about the news of Prince William born a new baby..
and told me later he gonna fetch his wife..
asked me about my trips in NZ.
and told me later he gonna fetch his wife..
asked me about my trips in NZ.
and then. he dropped me at PaknSave. a supermarket.
i said thanks n bye to him.
i said thanks n bye to him.
he have a good heart.
Really happy to know him!
i hope he could stay happy n healthy!! ^^
Really happy to know him!
i hope he could stay happy n healthy!! ^^
17.1.15
17 Jan
Sometime, I wish I did not know the truth that i can't accept.
I wish that particular person keep lying to me.
I wish I never see the parts that other people hiding from me.
I just can't so fast adapt to the "real reality" that i did not used to know.
Time is needed to change my perception on the situation to a positive or a optimistic thing.
I always hope the world is as peaceful as what i expected.
But NO! NEVER!
Luckily, my memorization is bad enough to forget many unhappy experiences in my past.
Just... The time when the truth appears in front of me, that super uneasy feeling is very very terrifying!
15.1.15
What Make Me Hate Socialising
First of all, most people around me, when chatting with them, they stop talking not because they listening what u say, they are waiting their turn to talk! I'm telling you how nice the potatoes i ate last night, then u replied me with, yayaya! the potatoes he/she ate last two weeks is nicer! then he/she starts talking about her last-two-weeks-potatoes. It made me feel like, nobody actually interested in my stories, what for i share my experiences with them? That's why i always lazy to talk about my stories, its so tired to complete my stories, it will just hang there. So better to listen than interrupting back other people's "last-two-weeks-potatoes" stories.
Next, people like to show off.. i really don't interested on how glories, fantastic, marvalous your life was. Really DON'T! Can't you just humble a lil bit? At least... won't make the people listening to you feel so annoy. By telling me how super you are, does not make you more super. The big SO WHAT will just appear in my head.
For the two reasons above, i basically don't talk much about myself to other people, and i really do appreciate those who are good in listening.
Next, people like to show off.. i really don't interested on how glories, fantastic, marvalous your life was. Really DON'T! Can't you just humble a lil bit? At least... won't make the people listening to you feel so annoy. By telling me how super you are, does not make you more super. The big SO WHAT will just appear in my head.
For the two reasons above, i basically don't talk much about myself to other people, and i really do appreciate those who are good in listening.
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