心情。复杂

心情好复杂，完全不能专心温习。
所以来这里发泄一下。

复杂1：
天啊！又是年尾了？！时间过得太快了吧？
回头一看，今年的生活整体来说是不错丰富的。
可是还是.. 太快了！
每天都领到不一样的任务，解决了一个，下一个又来了。To Do List 永远没完没了。
我到底活着是为了什么？

复杂2：
刚刚又跟男友分离了，嗯，不是分手啦。只是又再回到远距离。
这让我特emo的！下一次见面或许是2个月后，或3个月后，也有可能是半年后。
我需要几天的时间来 get over 他肉体的存在。唉~折磨啊！

复杂3:
这个学期也即将结束，只剩下大考，(后天开始)
Carry marks 不太理想。
好担心这个学期的成绩啊~

复杂4：
这几天花了好多钱，有点愧疚。
买了一个我从来没有想过自己会购买的的物品。
而且还是男友付费。
我一直都认为它是一件奢侈品。唉~~
算了算了~ 买了就要好好享用！！

复杂5：
脸上长了好多痘痘~TT
一颗复原了，新的一颗又长出来。
到底是怎样啊？！！


从现在开始！我要把烦恼都抛在后头。
专心的温习功课！！
4.0??  不是问题~~ 哈哈哈哈 xDD

付钱的男人 好帅！:P

首先，我先来澄清一下，我不是个喜欢别人没事为我付钱的人。
朋友，男朋友都好，我喜欢 AA 制。
就在哪一天，
我和我的系友们到较远的地方做 assignment，路途有经过 Tol。
那个我平时不是很喜欢的男性朋友，
马上打开了自己的钱包，小心翼翼地掏出了10块钱，付了那 TOL 费。
虽然可能是因为他坐在副驾驶的位置，虽然他可能之后可以 claim 会那 tol 钱。
但~~~
他打开钱包，拿出十块钱的那一刹那，好帅呀！
不知为什么~
平时我的女性朋友做同样的事情我没这感觉~
但那个我没有很喜欢的人竟然给我那种帅气的感觉~
哈哈哈！
诶诶~ 我没有因为他付了那几块钱的 tol 费而喜欢他哦~
只是我想说，个人觉得付钱的男人好帅~ 哈哈哈！！

Wrong focus

My grandmother phone called me just now, and asked how am I doing recently? Am I taken by dinner? How were my braces, still pain? Recently, she called me quite frequent. This makes me a sudden wake up…..

What am I focusing right now? I am focusing on someone that thinks I am not THAT important. While I had forgotten my family members! They love me since I am a baby, and still care me so much until I am this old. I was trying hard to build my LDR but I had forgotten to build the relation with my FAMILIES!! I never try hard to make more chances to meet them as possible as I could, I didn’t text them, I didn’t call them for many weeks. I TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED! But at the same time I am worrying on my LDRBF takes granted for me. This is so ridiculous!

Em, yes, my current ldrbf is important for me to evaluate, because if I didn’t choose well, next time after the porridge is cooked I have no way back, just regret. I had put my energies on ldrbf, because I believe I can control the future I want (before the porridge cooked).

BUT! My families are the cooked porridges! They are the one that I will be regretted if I didn’t put my energies on them more from now!

It was like, why I have to worry about my ldrbf.. Is he the right one? Is he changing? Bla bla bla~~ INSTEAD of worrying on my parents and families’ health. My granny getting old now, my mum always complain that her back pain, legs pain, head pain.  

Who should I prioritise? In “theory”, I will answer the question without doubting, “of course are my families la!” But in the real life, I had put sooo much energy on the people other than my families! Ouuch!

Wrong focus

There are so many relations we need to build. And for sure, we should bias on the people who are deserve the MOST.

Its all about give and take. I just took too much from them, but i didn't gave them as what they gave me euqally.

We went to Pavilion by train together. = )

Foreign Language

When I was in secondary school, I always wanted to learn the western language, like Spanish, French, Germany, Italian, etc. Cus when I learn English last time, to know more new vocabs, I saw and downloaded a list of foreign language vocabs that can be used in English, like Deja Vu (French), means 似曾相识, this kind of words. and I feel its cool. Spanish songs are nice. and of course maybe affected by the western movies. 

I changed my thought, when I met my Japanese friends in NZ. I saw some people from other countries spoke Japanese with the Japanese friends. I was so envy that they could do that! Besides, Japanese foods are nice!! Like Okonomiyaki cooked by my friend. I love the most!! is super duper delicious! I learnt some Korean words that time too. I didn't have very close western friends that time. Well, at last Japanese was the language I wanted to learn the most then. My Jap's friends just inspired me a lot that time!

So, I took Japanese in my University as an elective course. I admit that I didn't put enough efforts to study the language. My result was not so good. But I was impressed by many of my friends that I am a fast learnner in other languages (speak) last time. haha. Hmm, I must spend more time and put more efforts to learn the grammars and writing from now! Language is not a subject that can be studied last minutes!

It's funny that because I wanna improve my Japanese, I started to chase Anime, listen to Japanese songs. Normally people learn the language because of Anime, but I am the other way round. Haha. Well, I am enjoying to do it too. Great chance for me to expose to other stuff that I will never did before.

Its cool to learn foreign languages actually, we can discover a new culture, like musics, movies, foods, art etc. And definitely can feel something... different. 

If I have chance, I will learn more languages, my next target is French btw. or maybe Spanish xD haha

Image from : http://speaklanguagecenter.com/

迷茫。

握不住
看不见
一切只能靠幻想
有时觉得好虚拟
虚拟到我会怀疑
怀疑应不应该继续相信

谁能教我如何达到零期待的境界？
活在只能对你幻想的我，除了期待我还能做什么？
期待之后，却一次又一次的失落。

有时在想，为何要把自己搞得那么犯贱？

其实
最让人难受的，是看不见未来。
迷茫。

活 到 老 学 到 老 ~

人家说，在踏入一段感情之前先要享受单身和学会爱自己。

嗯。

然后我发现这个说法其实是不正确的。

在我初恋结束之后，痛苦的 get over 日之后。我回到了正常的生活。

单身，过得特别好，比以前好很多倍，当时在异国，看了很多东西，觉得世上其实没什么大不了的。

那段日子是我毕生以来最乐观的时候。乐观到我有时希望有坏东西发生在我身上，因为感觉怎么一切都那么好啊~ 好不有趣咧。

总而言之，那个时候乐观到极限，爱自己到极限。

至到我踏入第二段感情。刚刚开始一切都很好，我有自己的原则，我知道我该做什么，我也不太把我的情绪寄托在别人的身上。

慢慢的，我好像变回以前的自己，悲观，拥有 Victim Mentality 等等~

咦~ 不对啊~ 我在踏入这一段感情之前时单身的我过得非常好呢~

其实其实

单身和双身简直就是两个不同的阶段。

你单身时过得特好，不代表你双身时会很好。

你双生的时候过得特好，不代表你单身时会很好。

两个不同的阶段有不同的学问，都要学习、成长。

即使单身时很爱自己，在双身时却不一定会记得爱自己。

其实其实

双身比单身困难好多，因为这不再是你一个人的事情。

我有时连我自己也不够了解，现在还要去了解其他人。

难上加难！

经过我深思熟虑以后，我发现我最大的问题是把情绪寄托在他的身上。

只要把这个拔起来~ 世界将会更美好！xD  好像离题了~ 科科~

哎呀~ 总之~ 活到老学到老呗~ 让那学习精神延续下去吧！！！

The Stage

Performed on big stage around one year + ago.

Received a text from my sister who was in Penang right after my performance. 

Woow. i was like, good news spread so fast huh. 

Months of practicing but only performed few minutes on the real stage, but i still feel its worth!
i enjoy the stage, i love the stage, although i am not a professional actor, but i really love the feeling when everybody watching my performance (good one la).

I never be an actor on such a big stage before. Really appreciate and will always remember this experienced, And of course i met a lot of awesome people in this 十月初五街.

Again, the news of "heard that you perform well" is worth for all sacrifices!!

问候语

一句来自系友的问候语，直接把我从谷底的心情拉回上来。

或许在别人眼中 我很 solo ，做许多事情不需要人陪也行。

但并不代表我不需要他人的关心。

刚考完日文考试时，心情真的很低落，

一句刚才日文考试怎样啊？让我觉得好窝心~

其实或许那只是另一个话题的开场白，

但还是感到窝心，因为能瞬间感觉到 "I am not alone"。

这种关心，不能期望，因为世上没有人有这个责任来关心你。

真心感谢在我最脆弱的时候，轻轻地泵我一把的人。

我有一种问题，就是不爱把自己的故事告诉别人。纯粹觉得 No one cares。
唯二能让我诉说我的故事诉得痛快的 是我的妈妈和妹妹。
她们是世上最好的聆听着。她们也是我唯二有心事有烦恼时不会 hesitate 找的人。

这就是为什么别人的一句问候语对我来影响那么大的原因啦。

不管怎样，感谢你们的存在。哈哈

Try Harder or Walk Away

There are two roads in every elective situation.
Which is to give up or work harder.
My parents are not elective, my course is not elective,
my friends are elective,
my boyfriend is elective,
the Japanese II i took this sem is elective.

In the elective's path, i can choose to give up.

I always not confident in my Japanese II,
because my Japanese 1 result was bad and i might not have the passion as much as other anime-fever students in my class.
I planned to change it to audit course (no exams) if i really unable to handle it.
So, today i went to the student academic building to ask isit possible for me to change it to audit.
Thay said NO!!
Ok. no choice i must face it! i must tried my best so i wont fail my exam.
Suddenly i feel the confidence and energy.
Because giving up is not in my option anymore!

Thats the different!!

So does my relationship. If giving up is not in my list, then i will automatically find ways to survive and build it!
When facing obstacles, i should never think of break up.
If i keep thinking of break up is my "backup" plan.
Then i will never really try my BEST in it!

Make sense?

Once we decided, we must try our best to do it.