This is my second relationship. The period we have been together now almost same as the period of my first relationship ends. Its kind of reaching insecurity line of me now. makes me remember the shadow of the first relationship. i am not missing that feller, i just, still remember that bloody heartbroken feelings last time. This kind of feeling not a sudden feeling of my mood swing or lonely night, i had this feeling many days already actually. and i keep my positive thinking to feel better these few days.
Well, i have no one to give vent to recently, i found writing is the best way to vent out my feelings all the time, especially the uncomfortable one. So i am writing it out now.
The shadow is, when i am trying my best in a relationship, the other side of people involved gave me up, for any reasons. " 爱一个人不需要理由，但如果不爱一个人会想尽办法想出一个不爱的理由"。 The really blur reasons of breaking up he told last time. But then i realised the real reason was, he not love me anymore. Anyway, i am happy he broke up with me, and i found a much much more better men now! and reaching the "insecurity line" like what i mentioned just now. HAHA.
Herm, i am worrying about, he stays now is because of his "responsibility" as a boyfriend, not because he loves me like the beginning. Getting know each more and more now, maybe he found a lot imperfection of me and i actually less attractive than what he thinks i am. I am a burden for him, i am the obstacles instead of motivation in his life and career. so on and so forth
Idk how to do better in this relationship now, because of the insecurity, worrying how if he does not love me anymore? am i trying hard like a stupid as in the past relationship? sometime i hide my imperfection infront of him, because of scare of losing him, (which i will not do so in the beginning of the relationship). maybe i stepped deeper in the relationship now? that makes me less rational. HAHA!
ANYWAY!! worrying solve nothing, i will still try my best in this bloody relationship, if he gives up on me, means we have no fate larh! thats all. GOOD NIGHT~
